Candlelight, Pity & Perspective

I sat by candlelight last night. Tired, empty and just thinking about breathing in and out. It was quiet and with three spunky kids and a puppy, that's a very rare event. I thought all afternoon about what I would do with my time that evening, I was so excited! No work, no walking the dog, no kids, nothing. I planned on finishing that book I've been reading since forever, strum a little guitar, fiddle around and simply delight in the thought that I can do anything I wanted.  By the time I went up to my room to begin my beautifully planned evening, it was going on 10:30pm. I was disappointed and began hosting my very own pity party. "The days slip by the minute I open my eyes and I fill the hours working, planning.....serving" I thought to myself. While this is a good thing and a privilege, some days it's difficult. Do others feel this way? Maybe, but tonight was about ME.

So, there I sat. Quiet and tired. After a while I wondered who else was attending my party. Who else out there might be sitting by candlelight in that very moment? Somewhere out there in the dark night, a woman is enduring. Breathing in and out as she welcomes her child into the world, by candlelight. Someplace out there, a migrant worker warms his hands by a fire. He toiled in the day's sun and now he's praying for his family before the morning sun returns. Night shift workers take their break by lantern's light, and there's people around the world lighting prayer candles.....believing that tomorrow might hold the miracle they've been waiting for.

Suddenly I didn't feel so sorry for myself. My children sleep safely and when the morning comes, our breakfast awaits us just a few steps away. I usher in the day planning what needs to be done coupled with what I want to be done.

Sure, I was disappointed that I didn't indulge in some leisure time that I was planning on and it's ok to feel that way. Everyone needs to feel some space that they can call their own during a day.  But thank God that He reminded me that the world is a whole lot bigger than my zip code. What I didnt get to do today, I have the privilege of feeling pretty confidant that I'll get around to it tomorrow.

Thus, I blew out my candle and whispered a prayer of thanks. I ended up canceling my pity party. It was a good thing too because I needed to go grocery shopping and was fresh out of hor'durves and Kleenex.

when evening falls so hard

I started throwing pottery again about a month ago. (I’m absolutely no good at it, trust me.). But I enjoy it so. The clay glides between my fingers quickly and brilliantly. Similar to the way your hand feels when you sweep it into a river. . . peaceful. I like knowing that my clothes aren’t getting dirty with paint or markers but with earth. Red dirt, grey clay, white porcelain, it’s in it’s most basic understanding - playing in mud. And just when it starts to dry out, I can swoop my hand into my trusty bucket and slap on some water to transform it into a smooth, silky form that awaits the slightest movement of my hand. It’s forgiving. . . and I can’t make a mistake. I can begin throwing a mug whose fate just wasn’t meant to be so VIOLA! It magically can become a candle pillar instead. Who would ever know the difference (unless I blog about it)? Unlike most things, if my plan doesn’t go accordingly, I can re-create it and usually feel all the better for it. I suppose it’s a do-over and do-overs don’t come easy.

I could have used one today. There are days when no matter how hard I might try, things won’t turn out as I hoped. It wasn't the  worst of days, but could have gone smoother in the areas that mattered to me. You know those days when all is well until three o’clock comes around and it all hits the fan? Then – there’s the clean up. The aftermath filled with the plan B’s, apologies or quick thinking coupled with improvising.  

But clay? There’s no apologizing! I don’t have to hand hold it, get hurt by it or fret over what to do next. . . I just do it. What ever I want to. It’s the easiest do over I’ll have all day!

Then there’s the night. Bed time. Fluff your pillow, lay your head and emerge into the day’s ultimate do-over. Like the song says “all your dreams are on their way, see how they shine”. I may not see my dreams shining their sparkly little heads in the distance, I can’t even see the stars tonight, but I trust they are both there. In the mean time, I’ll enjoy the instant-gratification of the potter’s wheel.