The Ending of an Era

We are moving. A bigger house, more room, closer to the kids' school yadda yadda yadda. You know, all the perks that would draw a family of 5 to a  new place. It's a town just down from here but feels a thousand miles south of here. The smallest change that pivots everything. I've never liked change. I think I've learned to deal with it positively throughout the years and with a  peaceful assurance that nothing is worth getting too worked up over if it's bound to turn out alright. But this morning I stood in my kitchen frozen, staring at the packing tape and box. Unable to put the first box together because right then it symbolized the last box. I was (and still am) shocked at the sadness and humor of the moment as it hit me out of no where. I slowly put things away, tidied up around the living room and searched frantically for anything that might distract me for the next minute/ lifetime so I wouldn't have to face taping up the first box. We've packed up a lot already but this week is the "real-deal-we're-doing-this" packing. I was frozen. But forward I went. Tearful and all.

It's eerie how a home becomes an intimate family member and then all of a sudden it betrays you when you realize that in a few short days it will be an intimate family member for some stranger (who no doubt will ruin the walls with disapproving colors and neglect to tinsel the place up at Christmas). I felt guilty last week packing up the patio, taking down the twinkle lights that hovered over leisure evenings of red wine and good conversations on a love-built flagstone patio. Cleaning out the garden and shutting the fence that my dad and I built... taking off the curtains to a bedroom window I looked out while my babies entered the world. Moving up and down a set of stairs that housed seven other precious friends and family for a time... painting over little scribbles on the wall from hands that grow too fast.

There just isn't enough of a moment to hold all of my goodbyes. 

But forward I must go. With all uneasiness and awkwardness of stepping ahead. Ironically it's the only natural thing we can do. Or at least..... should do. And sometimes the scariest. 

I have so many questions, fears, hesitations, excitement and plans for these next unknown years but I'm grateful for the peace of not being alone even in the loneliest of moments. I will not worry. I shall not worry! What does worrying get me? Who adds to their life by worrying? Surely I am seen, and known and cared for by Him who I abide in. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day! Matt 6:25-34. So I'll put my every hope and energy in today and not fear tomorrow.

Forward in all of my un-doneness and stress and love and tears and sentimental endings. 

Forward.