Our puffy winter coats accompanied us as we carefully navigated our way through the mercury glass ornaments into a small room with nativities, vintage lights and hand crafted decor. I felt a sense of euphoria. How lucky am I? There's no little kindergarten fingers that I have to grab at light speed before the display goes toppling over (yes, it's happened) just me and a fairly mature 9 yr. old who appreciates beautiful things. ahhh.
Then I heard it. Crystal clear. As if straight from my heart. I've said it in days of the past or years in the future or somewhere floating in between my thoughts. So familiar that as quickly as it rolled off of this stranger's tongue it landed on my ears, flew through my conscious and lay right upon my heart in agreement. A simple, innocent comment and while I don't know this woman's story I intimately understood her.
"Oh look at that nativity! That's just like the one my mother used to have! I wish I had gotten it but it went to my sister instead, I wonder what happened to it."
I understood her. And as she asked the lady behind the counter how much it was I suspected she would buy it. Why? Because if I were her, I would too. It invoked a memory for her, a feeling of nostalgia and despite not knowing it's existence in store before she walked in, she unquestionably had to purchase it before she walked out. It's not a bad thing, I was actually a little bit happy for her. Her mother was dead, her memories alive and she grabbed hold of a tangible item that represented both.
It stuck with me for weeks. I thought about that woman and her nativity as I boxed up my own cherished Christmas decorations. And it really got got me thinking of all the things we acquire and the reasons why. We can sometimes fill our lives with experiences that offer us satisfaction yet eventually their power dissipates so we fix our eyes on the next big thing. I think we should always be moving forward in attempts to improve our selves and situation but it's when those efforts are unknowingly used to chase a fleeting sense of fulfillment that is the trap. I used to think it's because we're privileged westerners to never be satisfied. But it's not. It's a human disposition. We constantly are filling a void even when we aren't completely aware there is one. We have an insatiable thirst for more, more, more. More meaning, more purpose, more experiences, more honesty or get this - less honesty and more strokes of our ego, more knowledge, more stuff.
Our efforts are camouflaged and drowned out by the lies we can easily feed ourselves. Lies that are like addicting pills we pop every morning as an unconscious routine because they help us operate comfortably in our perspective. "Once I get there it'll be better / No one knows what it's like for me / If I can only go there /do this / get that..... arrive". The list of void-fillers are endless. And despite the accomplishments we make - nothing satisfies for long. My have's and have-not's don't satisfy. They always fail me and when I focus on them, I get bitter. People always fail me and when I focus on them, I get bitter. But there is good news. Because Oh HOW HAPPY I am when I acknowledge the poverty of my human spirit's condition compared to the greatness of the Creator. That's why I'm out of sync! That's why I'm always thirsty for more! This earthly life was never meant to be my home and how easily I forget. But when I remember this truth, it's like rain on my thirsty soul. Today, right now I live in over abundance. If only for today. God help my prodigal heart for tomorrow. Today I am grateful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArglU4E7Vhc
