Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

Every summer I have a garden. Now I have a dog....who eats gardens. Thus begins my project how-to's:

1) Have a dog.

2) Have a handy-man-rock-star-too-good-to-be-true-DAD. Ask lots of questions and listen to his advice.

3) Till out a portion of the yard to expand the garden.

4) Dig 14" deep post holes (or at least pretend that they are once you're exhausted)

5) Purchase 550lbs of concrete. Carry to backyard.

6) Pour concrete into post holes. Inscribe a sentimental message - "Me and Dad".

7) Purchase 4x4' posts. Cut themand place in the holes.

8) REMINDER: Wear a back brace because you have to haul left-over concrete back to the store since you didn't dig deep enough holes.

9) Prepare to put picket fence up. With help.

10) Cut 2x4's, assemble a gate, nail chicken wire to it and be sure to hammer your thumb in the process.

11) Go get about 400 lbs of cobblestone rock (the dog WILL dig under your new fence). Place at the foot of the fence.

12) Dig trenches. Also place landscaping edging throughout the garden hill to prevent water "wash-out" (that's my technical term I made up).

13) Recruit newly toothless laborers to write out garden labels. This is extremely important, since it's been known that a gardener can plant lettuce in her flower bed and Lupines next to her pumpkins. Lesson learned: use labels.

14) Pretend to plant seeds but really just collect worms.

15) Plant.

16) Wait. Meanwhile, plant a flower garden.

To be continued. . .