A woman's work is . . .

I recently attended a get together with some women. The room was filled with perfume, bling and fine clothing. Throughout the evening one person jokingly said that they had been wearing sweats all day with their kids and just showered and dressed prior to attending the meeting. Following her confession another spoke up and said the same thing and then two more women agreed. Laughter filled the air like some sort of de-pressurizer. That’s exactly what it was all about – PRESSURE! I had half-heartedly attended in jeans and a sweater because frankly, I could give a care less to put on those heels and make-up simply so I could gather a few smiles of approval from the guests. This conversation immediately made me sad. I felt like a sell-out and all the women there were sell-outs as well. “Why do we do this to ourselves?” I wondered. I quietly asked the neatly seated women around the room “Why in the world did I have to change out of my comfy clothes just to get all dolled up for you all?”. I thought that given the conversation, they would agree with my honest question but just as their confession hour was a de-pressurizer, my question filled the room with a thick uncomfortable cloud that even I couldn’t stand. I came home and later looked up a paper I wrote a few years ago concerning how I identify myself. In honor of Women’s History Month, here is an excerpt. Regardless of how you identify – societal pressure applies to us all.

I am a female and was raised to view females and males in the conservative fashion. I dress as a female and although I take on typical societal gender roles such as mother, wife and homemaker, I feel as if my personal goals conflict with the gender roles that society has assigned me. For example, I am a graduate student and consequently plan in gaining a professional career. Here there is a conflict with my roles as a mother and my roles as a woman. . . my responsibilities assigned me vs. the responsibilities I seek to assign myself. People would think they are one in the same but I argue that there is a great conflict that takes place when a woman is faced with multiple roles. I’m challenged within the group of fellow mothers who are stay-at-home moms. Such a woman is idolized and cherished in the realm of motherhood while a working mother is seen as sacrificing an element of intimacy with their children. The religious community I’m involved in endorses stay at home mothers by offering a great deal of resources for these women while there are very few resources for working mothers who need the same support. However, the conflict is ironic. Society defines individualistic success, therefore we can assume that stay-at-home mothers are not as highly as esteemed as their “career-women” counterparts. Take note that some or most of thee career women just happen to be mothers as well! Thus, I am either first a mother and second a professional or I am first a professional and second a mother. Women are blatantly forced to choose between family or career goals simply by answering the common question “What do you do?”. This question is asked with such ease and normalcy that it fails to acknowledge the potential struggle is presents for women who survive in the margins.
Another example of conflict within my gender identity is what’s called my gender expression. Gender expression often conflicts with society’s accepted expression of gender. Personal hobbies such as outdoor sports, hiking, climbing and camping are allowed however it’s insinuated that I am expected to maintain a certain amount of “ladiness” by avoiding becoming “butch” or rough. More so, when women are enduring the “fragile” season of pregnancy we are expected to forgo any engagement in personal interests that might potentially put the pregnancy at risk.
Location is a context to consider that influences my gender expression. While rather comical to reflect on, it’s truth is evident. Living in the suburbs, I maintain the typical expected appearance of a female by wearing make up, jewelry, dressing neatly and by so doing portraying that I’m taking pride in my appearance and myself (not to mention the representations of my social-economic bracket). However, when I
lived in a rural area on a Navajo reservation, I rarely wore make up, dressed for comfort versus fashion and pursued my outdoor hobbies with greater vigilance. Differing locations expect differing expressions of gender.
Cultural Identity, 2009

Just makes me wonder. . .